The Chicago Bulls

What? Mike Johanns' idol is Michael Jordan and that guy quit like six times. He also quit the Wizards...

Franz Schubert's Symphony No. 8

Yep, as unbelievable and unrealistic as that sounds, it is true. Mike Johanns is the reason Franz Schubert was unable to finish his "Symphony No. 8 in B minor."

It has long been theorized that Schubert may have sketched a finale which instead became the big B minor entr'acte from his incidental music to Rosamunde, but all the evidence for this was circumstantial at best. The truth is that he did complete the Symphony No. 8 on the back of a cocktail napkin at the Governor's ball in 1825. He then asked a young scribe by the name of Mike Johanns to copy the completed symphony unto a "more respectable canvass."

Sadly, three fourths into the job Mike Johanns announced his candidacy for Mayor of Lincoln, NE and threw away the cocktail napkin with the completed "Symphony No. 8 in B minor."

Thus depriving millions of Schubert's delightful classical music.

The Unfinished Death Star

That's right. A little known fact about Mike Johanns was that as Secretary of Agriculture for the Bush Administration is that he was charged with construction of the a weapon so powerful even Dick Cheney trembled at its sight.

However, with only months left until the project was completed, Mike Johanns vacated his post to run for United States Senator leaving an opening for the Rebel Alliance to destroy the unfinished Death Star and defeat the Empire once and for all.

Hopefully, Mike Johanns will have failed us for the last time.

The Democratic Party

Before Mike Johanns even thought about running for U.S. Senate he considered himself a "life-long Democrat". Johanns kept close to unions like the AFL-CIO and IBEW especially while launching a failed bid to be state party chair of the Nebraska Democratic Party. Speaking to the convention Johanns spoke about building a more progressive Nebraska and said he'd quote "fight" for quality affordable health care and a womans right to choose.

Having been rejected for being a poor leader, Johanns was quick to switch parties as he launched a bid for city council. A job he also quit but that's a story for another time...